confession - rants

i admit that, i am afraid of stepping out from my comfort zone. I feel really safe here. Then, after talking to my dad about my decision, he do trust me, and encourage me to step out from this safe harbor. But, if there's a calling to come back here, he really hopes that i'll be back.

it's not that i didn't learn about being independent. I've learned to pay the school fees on my own, since kindergarten - on my first day, and my dad or mom didn't have to wait outside the class. I went to boarding school, then i totally manage all my admission to the college on my own - considering at that particular time my parents were staying at indonesia. My point here is, I have learn being independent. It's just that, to apply it to be on my own - without my dad saying yes or no, instead he said - it is your life, you have to live it - i feel very..hesitated, insecure. This is my safe harbor. My mom is the ship. and I'm the captain. Without a ship, there wouldn't be a harbor, and without both of them, of course,there wouldn't be a captain.

here is my comfort zone. I love being here. All is here. And I do think, nothing really matters outside of this zone.

then, the bomb arrive. the bomb of realization. I do need to step out from this comfort zone. I need to maintain my captainship, or there wouldn't be anyone that would take care of the ship, and without the ship, the harbor is meaningless.

stepping out the comfort zone - i think there's magical land waiting for me to explore.

p/s: rubbish but poetic.

perarakan kegelapan.

I called it black parade. the judges, the lawyers,the defendant, and all the participants gather, parading from the court, to the crime scene. It is sucks to watch it on TV. But still, I'm waiting for the mattress to be carried to the court. Isn't it compulsory for the parade?

derhaka

God.

Please give me more chances, I don't want to be anak derhaka. I just want to be me. I'm really scared of hurting her, if I did hurt her.

Please?

impersonation

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle, but, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe

what career suit your personality type?

You are lucky because you have the ability to be good at many different types of tasks. You introverted and thinking style lets you concentrate and focus on solving problems. To be the happiest, you need to have a career with a lot of independence and autonomy.

You hate to be micro-managed and will do best working for yourself or in very flexible environments. Your natural interests tend towards using your excellent reasoning skills and love of facts and data to find solutions to practical questions.

Some of your personality traits include:

* Interested in how and why things work
* Do not function well in regimented, structured environments; you will either feel stifled or become intensely bored
* Constantly gather facts about your environment and store them away
* Ability to use logic to understand "how things work"
* Learn best "hands-on"
* Usually able to master theory and abstract thinking, but don't particularly like dealing with it unless you see a practical application
* Action-oriented "doers"
* Focused on living in the present, rather than the future
* Love variety and new experiences
* Highly practical and realistic
* Excellent "trouble-shooter", able to quickly find solutions to a wide variety of practical problems
* Results-oriented; you like to see immediate results for your efforts
* Usually laid-back and easy-going with people
* Risk-taker who thrives on action
* Independent and determined - usually dislike committing
* Usually quite self-confident

Some of your suggested careers are:

* Police and Detective Work
* Forensic Pathologist
* Computer Programmer, System Analyst and Computer Specialist
* Engineer
* Carpenter
* Mechanic
* Pilot, Driver, Motorcyclist
* Athlete
* Entrepreneur

p/s: cita-cita imaginary pun ada - jeng3, detektif amalina! ;p

alih topik

Umi cerita, kawan Umi - Cikgu A cakap kat Umi tak payah beli 'pahar' hantaran, sebab dia dah beli. (means Umi boleh pinjam dari dia la nanti)

Then,aku buat-buat tak paham, tanya "Anak dia yang mana nak kahwin Umi?"

Umi cakap, "Oh, hari tu, anak dia yang sulung dah kahwin. Ni anak dia yang second pulak."

The conversation stop there.

Lucky me.

;p

sekolah

Antara perkara kecik yang boleh buat aku teringat masa zaman sekolah:

Aku bangun Subuh pagi tadi, tiba-tiba ada perasaan nak mandi. Siap bertowel, tak berus gigi lagi, buka paip shower - air takde.